Wild Pig Reminds Us Jesus Was Jewish

People seem to conveniently forget that Jesus was Jewish.  He almost certainly kept Kosher, or whatever the dietary rules were at the time.  And, in the small Polish city of Ruda Slaska, a wild Board decided to voice his dis-pleasure to the bacon eating folks in the town church.

"Fortunately, they managed to quickly scare the boar away, and no one got injured," a police official said, adding that the animal smashed two vases and broke an effigy of Jesus Christ during its rampage.

Now, I applaud the “unholy beast” for his attempt at civil disobedience, but the fact remains that bacon is meat candy, and if God wanted us to be vegetarians, he wouldn’t have made animals out of meat.

Total Eclipse 2017

With all the total bullshit we post and expose on this site, here’s a post about hard physical science.

I took my kids to Oregon to witness the total solar eclipse and it was spectacular. It is not really even describable and no picture truly does it justice. But, here’s picture I took anyway.

R.I.P. Robin Williams

As I sit here unable to sleep, again, I have finally realized that the death of Robin Williams has affected me more than I could have possibly imagined. And, it’s not because of the cause of his death. It’s because I never knew the man, but this event has cemented my definition of immortality.

Lauren Bacall passed away the next day, completing the latest “they come in threes”. And, why is it they come in threes? I can only imagine a couple versions Robin may have come up with:

  • [singing] Because one is the loneliest number…
  • It sure beats being #2 (yes, that’s a poop joke)
  • Because the celestial taxi system that ferries souls to heaven is having a fuel shortage, so they have to carpool. And, the first two get impatient real quick. “C’mon, fucking DIE already. St. Peter is waiting…I’m gonna miss my galactic neru massage! Hurry it up already!”

OK…that last one maybe a little more George Carlin. But, that’s where Robin took things and that’s why we laughed our asses off.

As a kid, I used to memorize Robins routines and perform them for my family. I am a decent mimic, and I would study his mannerisms and delivery. And, even as second hand, recycled comedy, his routines would bring the house down. I think I caused a few asthma attacks even.

I guess this is where I actually started to learn that knowing your audience is key, and that when appropriate, don’t hold back…speak what needs to be spoken…which is most of the time.

And, now I see all these celebrities being interviewed and they have nothing but glowing remembrances of Robin. Jeff Bridges, who starred with Robin in The Fisher King actually took several minutes at the big press panel for his new movie to remember his time with Robin. Watching him turn around and look at Meryl Streep and fondly recall Robin dragging his ass on the ground in Central Park at 4am saying “You know why dogs do this? Because they can!” was incredible. And, over his other shoulder was Taylor Swift with a look like “I am never ever ever ever doing a press panel with this guy again.” (if you get that joke then good for you.)

Someone in New York should organize this as an annual event. The annual “Robin Williams Because They Can Central Park Naked Ass Drag.” How awesome would that be to see 100,000 people all dragging their asses like dogs in the grass.

It reminded me of my Grandfather’s funeral…not the naked ass dragging (seriously…you thought those two were connected…what’s wrong with you?)…the people all coming out with amazing remembrances. I was a teenager, and to me a funeral was a family thing. And, then all these people showed up. And, I thought, uh…my family isn’t that big…or someone’s been lying to me. But, there they were. People I had never seen before in my life that all knew and or were touched by my grandfather in some way (not like that…get your head out of the gutter).

And, now Robin. People he didn’t even know, like me, are talking about how he touched them. Assuming that you aren’t a complete douche bag, you attempt to make your mark on this world while hopefully leaving it a slightly better place. If you are a total douche, please just leave…now…go…I’ll wait.

Robin made the world a better place. Dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, he walked into a sex shop and tried to buy a double headed dildo…just because. He made us look at the world around us with a slightly different perspective…warped…or not. He made us laugh.

THAT is immortality.

Jesus needs to learn to “moonwalk”

A family in Stockton has turned the usual sightings world upside down with the news that Michael Jackson, not Jesus or his usual cohorts, has appeared on a tree stump outside his house.

Jacko on a tree stump
Jacko on a tree stump

Perhaps Jesus needs to up his game a bit? Perhaps Jacko is Jesus? Who knows, but the people in Stockton are convinced.

“Because Michael Jackson was an icon to us,” said one neighbor. “To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even.”

How many miracles before sainthood?

EDIT – 7/7/2009

I’m not going to keep this up live today, but since CNN is pairing with Facebook, there are status messages flying across the screen on the video feed. Two of them have caught my eye and help make a case for this “miracle”.

“Michael Jackson not only understood the Universe and our place in it, our connectedness, but also could physically manifest this in his song and dance. That’s why all peoples across the globe connect to him, we also feel this in our souls”

So, now MJ is definitely “otherworldly”?

“…is watching michael jacksons funeral and i wouldnt be suprised if something crazy happens like his body rises out of his coffin…coz he was a modern day jesus, the way he came showed us his special gifts, spreaded love & hope and saved millions of lives then passed on!”

And, this doofus is expecting MJ to actually rise from the dead! People, yes it is sad that the man died young and left 3 kids in a lurch. But, he was a MAN…an entertainer…nothing more. If you enjoyed his work, great. But, making him into a religious idol? I guess we’ll see if he shows up on any Cheetos next?

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Holy Flatbread Batman!

Yes, it’s been quite a while without a post. But, for the new year…a new sighting!

In His continuing quest for seemingly incredible weight loss goals, Jesus has yet again made an appearance. This time the the usual globe trotting takes us to England where a man in Surrey got a little more than he was expecting with his Curry.

Naan Bread Jesus

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“Cheesus” Strikes again

Lending more and more credit to my theory of cheese being divine, a Texas couple has discovered a Cheeto that they claim resembles a praying Jesus. You may remember some time ago there was another “Cheesus” report, with the same snack food. I think it’s only fair that we now refer to cheese in a “royal” fashion, and always present it’s glorious reference with a capital “C”.

Cheese, Cheese, glorious Cheese.