There is a long and storied tradition in this great nation of expressing oneself through automotive customization. Truck nuts. Flame decals. The occasional Calvin urinating on a rival brand. But 69-year-old Michael Nipper of Plant City, Florida, decided that what his Ford Maverick pickup truly needed was a rack of missiles in the flatbed.
Nipper was cruising eastbound on Interstate 4 when concerned motorists — apparently not used to seeing ordnance on the highway, which speaks to their sheltered upbringings — began calling the Florida Highway Patrol to report a truck carrying what appeared to be missiles. Troopers pulled him over. The bomb squad arrived. The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office arrived. The Plant City Police and Fire Departments arrived. An emergency perimeter was established. The full weight of Florida law enforcement bore down on one 69-year-old man and his decorative rockets.
They were plastic. Assembled from a model kit. Nipper uses them at events.
He was not charged with anything. He received a “strong suggestion” about how better to transport his ornamental arsenal in the future. Florida Highway Patrol presumably got back in their cars and stared into the middle distance for a while.
In any other state, this ends at the model kit store. In Florida, it ends with a multi-agency tactical response to a senior citizen’s hobby.
We did not make this up. Click Orlando has the receipts.