We need to talk about Matthew Zaccarino, 39, of Florida, who was found alone in a vehicle on a private construction site in the early hours of December 14th, wearing a red lace bra, G-string, and a pair of prosthetic silicone breasts.
Deputies discovered a loaded 9mm pistol on the floorboard. The prosthetic breasts, upon closer inspection, had been used to conceal it. The Polk County Sheriff’s Office, with admirable professionalism, noted that the discovery was, and we quote: “It was ugly.”
When asked to explain himself, Zaccarino said he was on his way to a costume party. Deputies asked where the party was. Zaccarino stopped talking.
He was charged with armed trespassing, loitering, prowling, and resisting an officer without violence. The “without violence” part is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.
We’re not here to judge anyone’s lifestyle choices. We’re here to note that a construction site at midnight is a deeply unconventional venue for a costume party, and that if you’re going to hide a firearm in your lingerie, you probably shouldn’t also be trespassing on private property at the same time. That’s just solid life advice. Free of charge.
CBS Miami has the full report. It is exactly as described.