Jesse James McAuliffe of Ocala, Florida — a man whose name contains both a famous outlaw and a Chick-fil-A employee — was arrested outside a Publix in May 2026 after he blew a bottle cap full of fentanyl directly into a deputy’s face. His stated defense: it was sugar.
To be fair, fentanyl does rhyme with “something you would never blow into a law enforcement officer’s face outside a grocery store.” The analogy ends there.
Deputies had blocked in McAuliffe’s car after spotting what they describe as “signs of drug use” — specifically, a needle tie-off dangling from his arm and syringes in the vehicle. When they found a bag of powder in his pocket, McAuliffe offered the sugar explanation. When they found a melted-down bottle cap of fentanyl in the next pocket, he stopped explaining things and started blowing.
The deputy is reportedly fine. McAuliffe is reportedly in jail facing charges of evidence tampering, possession of fentanyl, and one imagines a complete absence of dessert privileges.
Florida has a lot of ways to say “please don’t search my pockets.” This was the worst one.
We did not make this up. Click Orlando has the receipts.